


14 Dumb Ways to Die

by nosheron



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: After Reichenbatch, Johnlock (Fluff), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-25
Updated: 2014-05-25
Packaged: 2018-01-26 10:11:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1684571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nosheron/pseuds/nosheron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Sherlock takes John's "I'm going to kill you" statement a little too seriously.</p>
            </blockquote>





	14 Dumb Ways to Die

**Author's Note:**

> I was really bored and found this drafted in my notes so here it is. Short and sweet, really bad.

 

     "Fourteen."

     "Pardon?"

     "Fourteen. In the last twenty minutes you had fourteen open opportunities to kill me. I'm surprised you didn't take them since they were fairly obvious."

     "Now why would I want to do that?" 

     "Since you swore upon my death at the restaurant."

 

     John Watson sat back in his arm chair, slowly lowering the newspaper in which he was reading. John's eyebrow quirked up at Sherlock's remark. "Um... You know I didn't really mean that, right?" John replied distantly, trying to refocus his attention on the wrinkled paper. Sherlock Holmes, who was sitting across from him with knees drawn up to his chest while crossing his arms, didn't even flinch a side glance, "Well you sounded serious."

     John huffed out through his nose, hinting the signs that Sherlock was "being as blunt and oblivious as a spoiled child" (quoth Mycroft). John looked back up at Sherlock who was statued in place, staring blankly at the fireplace.

     "I only sounded serious because I was angry at you" John snapped back, taking in another deep breath and exhaling it through his nostrils. He didn't want to be angry with Sherlock, mostly because he was down to his last nerve and was trying to make it last until Sherlock found a case worthy of his excellency. "Hm. Emotions can over exaggerate statements a lot" the detective answered bluntly. The army doctor fumbled with the newspaper, carelessly folding it into a messy parallelogram, now readjusting his attention on Sherlock. John always had to shift from the task he was doing to him, or else Sherlock would keep stretching the sentence until he got interested responses.

     "Okay Sherlock. You have my full attention. Please explain to me all the vital opportunities I missed out because I wasn't interested in it whatsoever" John proclaimed with so much sarcasm a deaf person could hear. Obviously, Sherlock ignored his tone of voice to only focus on the words he wanted to hear. He jumped up from his balled-up position, springing to his feet like a frightened cat, then shuffled over to John, leaning over him with a sly smile. "I will try to explain it so you can process the explanation of each scenario  in under 40 seconds, since I will not take more than a minute to explain each outcome. I may add some personal comments if I may" Sherlock articulated, pressing his boney finger tips together.

     John only stared at Sherlock as if he were a stranger. The only thought crossing his mind being along the lines of ' _Am I really going to have to sit here while he announces how smart and observant he is?'_

 Sherlock Holmes cleared his throat, the usual sign that a explanation of a deduction was about to be made. 

     "One: you could of simply thrown me out the window. Remember witnesses though." "Second: maybe throwing me in a fire isn't the best option since your arm has been causing you some soreness lately." "Third: I must say you could of just walked across the room and choked me to death. But even you have to be more creative than that."

     As Sherlock spat out deductions faster than he could breath, John gazed at Sherlock. He was actually surprised on how simple some of these homicides appeared. But John didn't _want_ to kill Sherlock, unless that was too vague for Sherlock to understand since everything must be over detailed with him. Now, he could only sit and try to picture in his mind some of the ridiculous scenarios Sherlock was describing. 

     "Seven: I honestly don't know why you haven't poisoned my tea yet. I've drugged yours before" the detective commented with a small grin, "but of course you don't know where I keep those substances." "Eight: possibly using that newspaper to suffocate me could daze me for a bit while you set up a trap for me." "Nine: Clearly locking me in my room won't do you any good. It might take me a few weeks before I stare to death."

     While Sherlock was talking, he paced throughout the flat and gestured to various objects and made such exaggerated motions John couldn't help but giggle. Sherlock tried too hard for his own good, which was very amusing to watch. 

     "Twelve: Even right now you could try to pressure point me to the ground and stun me for 30 seconds. But that's a bit tactless since I already know all your techniques."

     "Um Sherlo...-" John attempted to cut into Sherlock's explanation. The man only peered a squinting glare at him that hinted 'do not interrupt me.' 

     "Fourteen: Knowing that you've been considering dating again, you could of-"

     "Sherlock!" 

     The man who stood before John in mid-step, frozen in place with a clueless expression plastered on his face. John regretted raising his voice when he saw how sudden Sherlock had paused. After a brief second, the detective slowly walked in front of John, who automatically stood to shorten the height difference that made him feel self conscious.

     John cleared his throat cautiously, maintaining eye contact with the taller man, "Sherlock..." John said in a softer tone, "I don't want to kill you." 

     Sherlock tilted his head to the side dumbfounded. "But... you... I left you for three years without an explanation. I thought I was helping you carry out your plans" Sherlock answered quietly. John was almost as dumbfounded as Sherlock. He had appeared to shrivel down into a frightened puppy when John used force.  _Was Sherlock apologizing? Or his way of saying sorry?_

"N-No, I would never _actually_ wanted to kill you. I-I was just frustrated, a-...and I just...-" 

     "You just what?"

     John bit his lip and tensed for a moment. Then, wrapped his arms around Sherlock's fragile looking body, as it tightened with the fact that John actually  _felt_ his presence, and  _know_ he was there. Sherlock winced slightly at the sudden force of affection, but soon his arms were felt squeezing around John's back. "You just what?" Sherlock repeated quietly, not trying to ruin the moment. John just squeezed harder and held on to Sherlock as tightly as he could.

     "I just missed you so much."

     


End file.
